Writing Treatise Shorts III Common edits, nuisa, and what does Helixcoolie mean? Help me professor!

 

Writing Treatise Shorts III

Common edits, nuisa, and what does Helixcoolie mean? Help me Professor!

            Two things have led to this section. I have developed a new pet peeve in concern of people’s lack of understanding how simple dialogue tags are done (slowly turning me into some kind of dialogue grammar Nazi). Two, in reflection, I was visited by the spirit of a friendly otter person who began me on this enterprise, who reminded me that people need the basics at times. So, in this section I will cover some medium grammar basics, dialogue tags, and mechanic criticism that come out my mouth like a sword.

Clauses: Sentences are made up by what are called clauses. Think of them as sentence parts.

So what are common clauses?

Independent clause: The clause is short and exists by itself. Ex: I walked. It is a sentence with no additional baggage. An independent clause is always a complete sentence.

Dependent clause: Any clause that is not an independent clause. Aka, they are not complete sentences but all the additional baggage. Ex: First thing (dependent), I walked to the store (independent).

The Reductionary clause also known as the Nonrestricted Clause: Something that is nonrestricted by the sentence subject agreement in a sentence. If you cut it out of the sentence, the sentence will still work. They are things jammed in the middle of the sentence. They are not restricted by the purpose and relationship with the subject. The material is reduced, tiny, cutable.  Ex: The standard bearer, a lump of a man (nonrestricted clause), looked back at him not as apprehensive as Aust thought.

Introductory clause: The dependent clause leads the sentence. Ex: However, the Fertile Crescent may not actually have been as fertile as the name suggests.

Hanging clause: The dependent clause finishes the sentence. Ex: “The Fertile Crescent may not have actually been as fertile as the name suggests, however.”

Conjunctions clause: The clause is determined by a conjunction. Ex: I walked to the store, but (conjunction) ninjas came and stole my ice-cream.

Dialogue has its clauses too but we will get to that soon.

So, when I say clause I am referring to a part of a sentence.

Now we get to another great lie. Commas are not based in pauses. They are based in clauses. Pauses can help you find comma locations, but in reality what determines pauses is pace and cadence. Thus, pauses do not always determine a comma. A list, conjunction, appositives, clauses, to make sure there is no confusion between subject matters and modifiers, reversible back to back adjectives, dialogue tags, addresses, dates, and conjunctions: that is it comma wise!

 

The comma splice: My most common grammatical mistake. A comma splice happens when you try to shove two independent clause sentences together with a comma. They are independent. To fix use a semi colon (better for short ones), use conjunction, or make them two separate paragraphs.  Usually, it is caused by people who like massive sentences or people looking for pauses. Word is terrible at picking out comma splices too. To help combat this, look at both sides of the comma to see if they are complete sentences.

I liked Jim, he was fat (incorrect).
I liked Jim, but he was fat.
I liked Jim; he was fat.
I liked Jim. He was fat.


The comma slur:

This not done often, but is grammatically correct. This is the type of stuff that drives editors up the wall. If they not know their stuff they will write it off as wrong. If they know their stuff they will probably get a killer headache if you do it too much.

“Captain,” the young pilot shouted, (the comma) his fox ears twitching (this is an infinite form. Infinite in the instant. It cannot be a complete intendent clause. It needs the comma to connect to the shouted a finite verb) in concern. (This whole sentence can only work with a comma. It is not a comma splice.)

 

The adjective:
Back to back commas that can be reversed get a comma.
The big blue House
The blue, big House

Dialogue clauses and tag:

So dialogue consists as the dialogue and the tag. These are the clauses which make up dialogue.
Tag is the action and person doing the action of dialogue.
 
“Captain,” he shouted.

“Captain, (the dialogue)” he shouted. (The tag)

Advanced dialogue. 
“Captain,” he shouted, “where are we going?” You can put two dialogue tags on both sides of the tag.

You always tag with a , comma not a period. A period makes the dialogue independent of the speaker.

Three exceptions to this:
1. When the dialogue is a question.
“Captain where are we going?” he shouted.

2. When the dialogue is an exclamation. 
“Captain!” he shouted.

Notice for both ? and ! there is no capitalization of he because it is part of the dialogue and thus, the same clause.

3. When the dialogue is an independent closed clause. This is when you use a period to end the dialogue. There is no tag. Often called an action beat.  Either the dialogue spoken is independent of someone doing the action or the speaker’s actions are independent of the dialogue. This is rarely done in dialogue chains and you will not see it done often.

“Captain, I am getting out of this chicken soup outfit.” The fox’s ears twitched in concern (see how awkward this is).

“Captain, where are we going?” The captain gave the questioning cadet a concerned look.

Moral of the story, tag with a comma.

Remember we also always perceive audio happening first. So if sound happens in dialogue or in a scene put it first.

What is a dialogue chain? Simply a chain of dialogue.
            “Captain,” he shouted, his fox ears twitching in concern.
            “To the moon,” the captain replied stroking his furry face.
            “How do I get out of this chicken soup outfit,” the fox cadet moaned.
            “Recruit drop and give me 20!” the captain barked.

The example above is how you can also avoid the repeating said trap and reinforce description and action along the way.

 

Other things:

Indention: Indent your Paragraphs: Every new speaker or change in speaker, idea, or new action create a new paragraph. 

Professor? you said my dialogue is heavy what does that mean?
It means if you removed all of your dialogue the work would be sitting at almost nothing. Your story is mostly dialogue. It needs description, action, and other things to bring it balance.  Things to help: use good tags to help paint characters. Take a break to show characters interacting with each other and their environment. Do stuff besides just sit and talk for pages.

 
Professor?you said I have repeating sentence structure what does that mean?
It means if you cut everything besides the first few words of each sentence or each paragraph it would be very repetitive.
Like this:
Jim walked

Jim talked

Jim was Fat
Jim contemplated the space time continuum and social political ramifications.
He spoke

He woke

He poked

She said

She Said

Etc., Etc., Etc.

To battle this: You can start with a verb, you can start with adjective, you can use introductory clauses, you can use other nouns, pronouns, species, descriptions, etc.

Skipping along Jim paused at a store mirror
“Crap I am fat,” he said, hauntingly gazing at his orange sheened fur.
Black ears perked up. An idea crossed his mind. That’s was it he could join the military to get in shape.
With laughter the fox gave a happy twirl. He then stopped, grabbing his head in thought, only if he wouldn’t have to go to the moon of course.

 

Professor? you said I use temporal transitions? What do you mean?

Temporals are transitions that tell time has passed. Key word there is tell time has passed. There telling nature is not showing and thus weaker. You can just transition by showing through action. 

 

Examples: As, before, after, meanwhile, during, as soon as, then, suddenly, eventually, earlier

 

Not that these words cannot be used. In the right place, in the right place and time they can still work. Simply, that open use is usually weaker than select use.

            At last, Jim made it to the recruitment center. Suddenly, everything exploded.

            Running, Jim made it to the recruitment center.

             Everything exploded.